sulking points

the sham of distraction

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 00:43:35 GMT

dont have feelings

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 02:10:02 GMT

saturday,
almost 9pm

listening to music, installing some windows update

painfully hungry, too lazy to go out and get food

ill be 21 years old at midnight on sunday...im gonna have to learn how to be cool at bars now, before i just felt like a little kid when i was in bars. why do i post stuff here?

i wanna be a grown up

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 02:53:01 GMT

shit
its all coming down on me

its like its raining squares and cirlces, and they're sliding off me, because im a triangle. yes i am a triangle.
my confessions dont come easy, but the consequences of my confusion require answers. i just spew vague cliches, try to soften the blows, try to absorb them when they come at me. i dont wanna say im pulling one-eighties, because i dont think my choices are precise opposites. its not difficult to understand whats going on around me...ive done my best to look at all perspectives and carefully analyse all options. im on the lookout for whats going to settle me...whats going to happen to me thats goin to make my journal entries more fun to read. will i find this in a person? will i find it in a place? perhas a thing? well i know its going to be a noun atleast. doesnt really narrow it down. one could say 'stop thinking so much, your life is fine, stop ur whining.' that would be great advice, but its not advice i havent already given to myself. i dont wanna hurt feelings, i dont want to be in akward situations, i dont wanna be brutally honest...i hate being on the outside of secrets that involve me. seems like lately, anything that doesnt make me warm, makes me cold. might sound normal, but i assure you - its not...i need to learn a lesson about love the hard way

id really like to be the person who saves music.

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 11:30:05 GMT

i never want to go to sleep...

i keep listening to the arcade fire, and i cant stop... something about it just hits the spot, i feel like its exactly what i need to be hearing...

i need to have some fun. i watched part of urban cowboy today while i ate a sandwich. i wouldnt mind living a cowboy life, but like rich cowboy life. and id have badass quality saddles and boots. id also be tough, and really confident, because cowboys seem to be that way i guess.

its getting time to clean my room...ive got one path thru all the crap so i can get in and out, and the path grows thinner each day...

these cats at my house are always bothering me...they come around meowing, and theres only 3 things they could possibly want:
-go outside
-get food
-get loved

and they dont usually want love...and when you try to let them out, they dont go out, and when you feed them, they dont eat..they just keep meowing. and meowing. and meowing. what are they trying to say? i wonder if they think past obvious things like food and danger...do they have emotions? do they get pissed and hold a grudge? do they ever try to trick you? do they know your name?

what does a horse whisperer do?
do they claim to talk to horses?
i really dislike horses...i dont think they are to be trusted. everytime ive ever ridden a horse like in a horse back riding group or something, one of the horses in the group gets crazy and runs away kicking shit and pissing everywhere and hurting humans both physically and emotionally. and i think they should wear some clothes or something, because i think they are the only animals that actually look naked...dont get me wrong, i mean yea theyre all great and whatnot, but they just arent my first choice for animals to ride.

now i need to force sleep on myself

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 10:17:17 GMT

a photo of me earlier today

saw some art type stuff today...nothing toooo impressive but still cool.
felt lame and boring amidst tons of people...thats never good

did some drinking, but couldnt get drunk despite how much i tried
i gave up using capital letters in my writing, so now its alittle difficult to structure what im saying...i like to use 3 periods ALOT...

i really need to find myself soon...meet some people on my own, discover who darek really is...cause im asking myself 'who the fuck are you, what are you doing here, why have you been here so long?'
my ears are hurting

my lips feel a slight burning...i need some chapstick

Chap
Stick

two completely different words, and yet so well suited for one another.

i have to focus my creative outlets, ...music is what i really want to persue, but seems its such a crazy world for music right now, everyone judges music so harshly these days...its like were all sitting and waiting with our mouths open for someone to feed us new and interesting music, and its getting harder and harder to be original, wheres it all going?

topic of thought for tonight....'art and the people who make it'
topic of thought for whenever i feel like thinking...'feelings: why do i have so many?'

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 23:54:16 GMT

Oh doorknob behind my sideways head,
come out of the darkness precious doorknob,
oh beautiful metal knob of doors,
why have you hidden behind my sideways head,
oh silent doorknob, sing me a song,
a song of doors who have lost their knobs,
what is a man without a doorknob,
i am the luckiest man of all,
for i've the doorknob princess hiding behind the top half of my head turned to the side

aging

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 21:51:02 GMT

i think im gettin older...
i need to make more friends

roomate at an art show today, i should go to an art show

Total number of girls Im in love with: 67,853
Total number of girls in love with me: 0

need to work on that.

confused...who should i talk to today? I should talk to everyone, hopefully Ill run into a stranger and make friends...i need to start putting pictures in my journal since it seems to be the cool thing to do. Man i wanna be cool, so fucking cool that i redefine cool...i wanna be alone when i dont have anything to say, I wanna be around funny girls and make them laugh when i have jokes to tell...i wanna eat sweet meets with fancy people and most of all-i want to have lots of money and buy my way to happiness

i want meaningless sexual activity to progress into hardcore love, and then fade away into an infinite friendship

im way to fucking alone in my brain and im not enjoying it too much...perhaps ill go drink some drinks around lots of people i dont know...maybe play a tune on the ol harmonica to break the ice...plant a tree or two and attract some naturey conversation

actually...im kind of warm right now cause i hear people are interested in me. thats neat

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 05:37:11 GMT

alright
woke up

went to a class

observed a few pigeons

ate

::stoned

enjoyed some 'music'

watched daily show

communicated with a few other humans

reflected upon the election

wrote this very statement

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 00:00:26 GMT

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 23:41:47 GMT

ive traveled back in time to try and find the person i was in 10th grade...that was a fun year..and now im in like 15th grade or something

where did all the people go

who are all these new people, am i still an old person??

i think im the oldest 21 year old ever